And here's why. I didn't want to. Simple as that. And do you know how many people told me to? Every time I told someone, "Oh, yeah he's been nursing every three hours. I'm not sure what's wrong, and I'm exhausted" the answer is always, "Have you tried cry it out?".
When we got home with our son from the hospital, he was pretty much sleeping as-expected for a newborn. Asleep for three hours, up to eat, back to sleep for three hours. We wrote everything in a journal that I still have for the first 7 months of his life (yes, I'm crazy). He progressed with his sleep exactly as a baby should with larger lengths of sleep time, specifically at night. By the time Jack was about 6-8 weeks old he was sleeping about 8 hour stretches. We were thrilled! Did we sleep train him? No. When he woke up and cried, we responded to Jack. We fed him, burped him, gave him what he needed. He gradually became a 12 hour sleeper at night.
When Jack was about 6-7 months old, he decided that sleeping through the night was no longer his jam. He began with waking about midnight and 3 am, I would nurse him and he'd fall back asleep. We always would put him back in his crib, too. But then he began to wake more frequently. About every 3 hours-something our bodies were no longer used to. Being back at work at this point, still pumping every 4 hours and nursing on demand, I became absolutely exhausted. But I continued to nurse him and respond to his cries when he needed me. Looking for answers to this predicament at his 9-month appointment, his pediatrician asks, "Have you sleep-trained? Try Cry-It-Out (CIO)." I told her it's really just not something I can do. It makes me too sad. When Jack cries, I respond to his cries with comfort.
I began to worry further about why my son, who had been sleeping through the night, is no longer sleeping through the night. It just didn't make sense to me. And everyone who I told about these sleep issues just said, "Try CIO! They won't remember!". Each time I got this bit of advice, I felt like saying, "F*ck you." I am just not THAT type of mama. It's just not for me.
Being a special education teacher, I think of everything from a behaviorist perspective. If I respond to Jack's cries, he will connect me with comfort. He will understand, if I cry, that means I am distressed, and someone will help me. We later learned that Jack had health issues that caused him discomfort at night. When that was resolved, he began sleeping through the night again. I look back on those months and months of 2-3 hour wakes, and I would do it all over again if I had to, because he needed me.
I'm also not sure who coined the term "self-soothe" for babies under one, but I'm here to tell you it's not a thing. You will have good sleepers and OK sleepers and terrible sleepers. But a baby's only mode of communicating their needs is through crying. If you don't respond to that, they stop. Not because they are self-soothing, but because they now have learned that their needs are not being met through this mode of communication.
I'm also not here to judge which way YOU chose to get your baby to sleep. CIO is out there for a reason, many people do it. I actually applaud you if you were able to try this method and it worked for you, yay sleep! Often as a last resort too, when you haven't slept for 6 months and have exhausted all other avenues. So I totally get it. And I'm right there with you, mama. You have to do what is best for you and your family, and your baby.
xo Courtney
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