This idea has been so foreign to me since I became a mother, but I'm realizing more and more that I need to prioritize this.
When you become a mother (at least for me it was this way) I was giving all of my being to this new being. Making sure he is taken care of always before taking care of myself. But you can't pour from an empty cup, right? Throughout the first year of Jack's life my cup was pretty empty. It's hard to adjust this when you're a first time mom, but as time went on I believe I did better and better with this and tried to really take care of myself and my mental health while also focusing my energy on my son.
It has been almost 7 weeks since my miscarriage and it feels like there is no end in sight with my health issues. Just when I think I am getting better and feeling better, we have more setbacks. Absolutely zero of me is trying to move on from what happened, but it has been incredibly hard to heal emotionally when I am still dealing with physical issues that have everything to do with the loss of my son. I am trying to become positive (I'd say stay positive, but I have been really negative, to be honest) about the future of my own health and my future family, but holy fucking shit is it hard to when I'm just not physically okay.
I have felt like a total blob at work. Doing all the things, of course. Doing my best, but not feeling mentally there this week because of all of the unknowns swarming my head right now. Today I had to leave because of these ridiculous issues I have been having. I feel so guilty to my friends and coworkers. It's exhausting. I am exhausted. I long to go back to November when everything made sense, everything was happy.
I am hoping this week to have more answers as to why I'm feeling the way that I am (sorry that this is vague). Feeling a bit more positive after some blood work results. Hopefully more and more positivity to come and healing for the future!
xo Courtney
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