I think this is honestly a very subjective shift. I did a poll on Instagram and it was basically split 50/50 between thinking the transition from 0-1 was hardest or 1-2. There are a ton of different factors that probably contribute to peoples opinions on this, including temperament of new baby, temperament of first born, age of first born, and sleep schedules. But here are my thoughts, personally;
The shift from having one kiddo to two was much easier for me and my husband than the shift from zero the one. I remember bringing Jack home from the hospital and being like, “okay, now what?” We didn’t already have the experience of this works, that works, use this sound machine, use this light for sleep, etc. We were totally just winging it. And the sleep deprivation? Oh, lord. Going from 9 hour nights of uninterrupted sleep, to maybe every 3 hours if we were lucky, and pumping throughout the night. That was so very hard on both of our bodies. I’d never seen my husband sleep so deeply ever. Never waking for his alarm, I’d have to practically shake him awake! We slept in the living room for the first 6 weeks with the bassinet next to us because it was closer to the kitchen. When Jack was six weeks, my husband finally said to me, “he’s going in his crib and we’re going in our bed.” And that’s what we did! (I would have never done it willingly if he didn’t make me, so I’m thankful for him that he did that, even though I cried for a week at the time)
Postpartum with Jack I definitely felt in the trenches. Again, not knowing what you’re doing, spending your whole day with this little being that is the best thing that’s ever happened to you but also the very hardest thing you’ve ever done. Days get lonely AF. It was winter, my husband worked late. It was just hard.
Now I’m not sure if my mindset was different this time due to the devastation we dealt with with our miscarriage, or it’s just simply different with your second, but we couldn’t wait to leave the hospital this time around to get baby girl home to her brother. We had everything set up at home, knowing what would work for sleep and feeding and cleanup. Diapers, bottles, binkies, etc. It just seemed like a much smoother transition home. Seeing Jack meet his sister for the first time was probably the most amazing feeling as a mama! Lots of happy tears.
Navigating providing a newborn and a needy toddler with adequate mommy attention has however been one of the biggest challenges and something you don’t have to worry about with one babe at home. I wish I could clone myself sometimes, and it truly breaks my heart when I’m nursing baby girl and Jack says to me, “‘mommy can you put baby Ava down on the elephant pillow and play with me?” I try my best to honor his requests whenever possible when he’s asking in an appropriate manner, but damn it’s hard! I try my best to do a lot of mommy & me time with Jack on the weekends, which he loves! I think the fact that he’s nearly 3 now and can accurately articulate his needs to me, has made it an easier transition than if he was younger and not as verbal. Age of the first probably does matter in that regard.
My husband made me so proud the other day. He was at the gym speaking to one of his “gym buddies” (the other dads who go to workout at 5 am before the kids wake-up) and he was asked how is it going from one to two kids? He said it’s great! He loves it. Ava has completed our little family for sure, and Jack is the best big brother (when he wants to be) to our baby girl.
I’m sure with time there will be more challenges that come up, with Ava getting bigger and me going back to work, but the past three-ish months have been truly some of the sweetest times, and I’ve never felt my heart explode in so many different directions.
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