Today we decided to take Jack to a farm. He loves animals, being outdoors, and running around, so we thought this would be such a fun activity for him. And we were right, it was. Seeing his eyes light up at the sight of the horses made my mama heart beam. He loved petting and feeding the animals and running around picking up sticks (training him for future household chores of course). However, when it came time to leave, he did not want to go, duh. He was having a fun time running around, and did not want to be re-directed to the parking lot. I finally just picked him up like a football and started marching towards the car, which was not a short walk by the way. In this time, Jack had started kicking and screaming, wailing with real tears. I am now marching as fast as I can to the car that seems to be lightyears away, hoping to not disrupt the fun for the other families around us.
To be honest, at this point in mama-hood I do not at all care about the stares we get in public, or the judgment. I really don't. Jack will very rarely have a tantrum while we are out anyways. This is a 15-month old boy attempting to embrace his autonomy and not understanding why he cannot. He cannot even begin to articulate his feelings other than screaming and crying. It is what it is. So off we run, to the parking lot for a snack, a diaper change, and to hit the road. Upon us running out of the farm, and amidst several other families, most of them staring at poor screaming Jack with either puzzled or distraught faces, a magnificent thing happened. Somewhere in all of the chaos, another mama looked up from her babe, made eye contact with me, smiled and plainly said, "You got this. We've all been there!". And thinking back on the moment now brings actual tears to my actual eyeballs. This woman, who knows nothing about me and nothing about my child identified with me and gave me comfort in a time when she could have judged or turned a blind eye. I will forever be thankful for mama's like this one.
And we need more mama's like this one. I try to be this mama in more ways than one. Even before beginning this blog, I wanted to help pregnant and new mom's. I wanted people to know that, even when you are feeling alone, you are not actually alone. Mamahood is truly a community. I think for some people it is hard to embrace this community, or to take advice (especially in the beginning) from other mama's. I'm different in that, I absolutely embrace the advice that I get from other mama's. I was never shy on asking for advice from mother's that I could trust. These were people who I genuinely looked up to as a new mom and knew in my heart, they raised their kids in a way I want to raise my own. And these mama's never judged my dumb questions or made me feel some type of way. They have just been there for me since the beginning of mama-hood, and I will forever be grateful to them.
Mama-hood is not an easy journey, that's for sure. Anyone who tells you it is, they are f*cking liars. I will continue to reiterate this til the cows come home (lol farm joke), being a mom is the hardest thing I have ever done. It is also the best thing I have ever done. I wish I could have and afford 12 more children, that's how much I love this shit. I just simply love being a mom so frickin much. But gosh, hearing a stranger utter the words, "We've all been there" today meant so much more to me than she will probably ever know. Because it is so true. At some point, one way or another (I do not care what the lying mom tells you) all moms have had to carry their child out of the park, or the restaurant, or the beach, or the farm, or the rest of the stroller-ride home football-style tantruming. We have literally all been there (If you haven't yet, your day is coming). Thank you so much to this mama. Thank you for normalizing toddler tantrums. Thank you for reminding me that we are in a community and not alone. Thank you for trying to make me feel better in an anxious moment of mama-hood. I will forever be thankful to you, and to mama's like you. This is the type of mama that I am striving to be.
xo Courtney
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