My husband and I were the first of our friends to have a baby. Our lifestyle previous to our son was definitely not something I could continue with a little babe at home. I would not say we were spontaneous at all, that's just not us. But we planned a lot of fun things, most revolving around drinking and partying. Our house was the party house. We hosted every New Year's Eve, Halloween, Ugly Sweater Party, Friendsgiving. You name it, it was at our house. This was the case for probably the last five years of our lives, since I bought my home. We loved meeting up with friends for happy hour on Friday's after a long week of work. Those nights usually got long real quick, and ended with lots of slumber parties and hangover breakfasts.
Fast-forward to pregnancy and postpartum, and the friends that we would see so often we no longer see. It's kind of funny how it happens. But it makes sense. These friends can still live the lifestyle you no longer can, and they should! I tell everyone I know-go out and do the fun things you want to do. Travel, don't take for granted spontaneous date nights & happy hours, weekend getaways. Because once you have your little bundle, everything changes. You now have to have someone you TRUST watch them if you even want to leave the house to get groceries without them in tow. And the trust thing is huge with me and has been the hardest part of getting out of the house (we now take Jack everywhere we can with us-but when he was little and it was winter we tried to keep him home as much as we could).
Of course, every mom is different. For me, the only person that I still totally trust watching Jack night or day is my husband, his daycare provider, and my own mother. And I feel like a burden even asking half the time (which is about once a month for date night or an early dinner out with friends). But this is also the part of friendships that totally change. Some people truly just don't understand the idea that, if we want to go to dinner, we need to plan at least a week or two in advance to be sure we have someone to watch Jack. But why would they understand? And my husband and I do not fault them for this at all, because-unless you're going through it or have gone through it yourself-you really just cannot get it.
What I am so absolutely thankful for, though, is my friendships that yes have changed, but have also matured and flourished. I am truly grateful for my friends who, no they do not have kids-and might not for a while-but work around MY schedule and come to ME, not understanding at all, but knowing that packing up an infant is just another level of stress to even leaving the house. I have friends that live FAR far away, but whenever they get a chance, they are here, in our state, visiting us, but most importantly, they want to see Jack, not me. Those are the friendships I totally cherish as a new mom. I may not say it to them enough, but I appreciate that, even though our friendship has changed, they show up for me and my son continuously even though I cannot show up for them the way I want to right now.
And also with mama-hood comes new, beautiful friendships. I've developed such great bonds with mamas who just share the same values as me. People who have had babies around the time I have, and just need to chat about what they're going through because, chances are, I'm going through the same thing or have gone through it.
I have absolutely accepted my changing and evolving friendships, and I know they will continue to change and evolve as time goes on, because that's life. It's just not something I was super prepared for. It's interesting, sad, unexpected, and magical who shows up for you when you are really in the thick of it.
xo Courtney
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